Adjusting to fatherhood.
So I recently became a father, my Son Alistar was born earlier this month. Both mum and bubs are doing extremely well and to say we are happy and in love is an understatement.
My role over the years has always been a protector, this has ranged from doing my job in the Army here in Australia and then also working Overseas in the Middle East. I have been trained to asses and react to various threats and act accordingly and I would like to think over the years I have been able to achieve this to an extremely high level.
The other day my partner and I went to the shops here in Adelaide with Alistar. You would think this is just your normal outing and it should be a fun and happy days out. Well I was so worked up it wasn’t funny. I had been thinking about it the night before and was really getting into my own head and dreading going out.
The morning came and we headed out I was driving and so far so good, we had a relatively smooth run into the city and since we live in the Barossa Valley it is actually a very scenic drive, when we arrived to the city finding a park was a night mare and the traffic was horrible so this started to get me frustrated but I pulled through and we finally found a park.
Now that we were there and pushing little Alistar through the crowds I was really on edge, people were coming so close to both of us and some even clipped the pram. This is where I started to see red and just wanted to start giving people the don’t argue and push them out of my way. I was extremely anxious and getting pretty angry at people. My partner picked up on this pretty early and was really good to snap me out of it at times but the more people came in close the worse I was feeling.
I was speaking with a mate the other day about this and he summed it up pretty well for me. For years I have been the protector of many, I have escorted senior military officers in country and also been in charge of looking after senior diplomats making sure they are safe in hostile environments. In another life I was also part of some escort teams that would pick up criminals from prison and then take them where they needed to go around Australia as part of my role in the immigration network.
So I have always been in roles that have had me on edge and ready to go, I feel as if I have taken on the role of becoming a father and protector very seriously. When you have seen the absolute worst in humanity your trust for others becomes almost non-existent, particularly when you had someone you considered family be charge with some serious child exploitation crimes. It really has made me think about who I can and can’t trust and I always want to do the best for my Son and make sure he is safe and doesn’t have to worry about the shit that is in our world.
How can you switch this off?
This is something I really do try work on but it is hard.
When it comes to mental health, PTSD, Anxiety, Depression and the rest people are always so quick to judge, particularly in the Veteran community. You always hear the “what’s your problem or What has that person ever done” I find this really fucks with you more as you often think about what others may say or think about you. I mean we really shouldn’t care but I think we as humans have this programmed into us.
Everyday I continue to work on myself to be a better man, partner and father.
Knowing the evils that are out there in the world does make it a challenge but we can only do our best and hope that our little ones live a long, happy and positive life. One thing I can promise is I will always do my best to be the Father my little guy needs.
How many of my followers on here can relate to this? I would love to hear your thoughts and advice?