I’ve Lost my way a little.
So the Chinwag page has been going for just over a year, during this time I have shared my journey and I would like to think that in doing so I have helped some of you and also made some of you aware the journeys our current and ex service men and women face daily.
For me I have learnt so much about life and also about myself.
One of the key things I think I have learnt is that mental health does not discriminate. It doesn’t care who you are or what you have done in life. The people that have reached out to me over time have been some of the biggest and baddest warriors you will meet and then I have also had people that are the gentlest souls reach out and are struggling. The key thing here and I feel people really tend to forget this is that we are all human, we all have emotions, we all experience life and we all go through challenges in life.
Saying this though we as humans can be extremely nasty to one another aswell, judging each other, talking behind one another’s back, putting each other down and just being cunts in general.
This is extremely prominent in the Veteran community and it always seems like it’s a massive dick measuring competition of, I done it harder or, I experienced this so what are you whinging about or, my personal favourite that has been said about myself is you are only in it for yourself and will take the credit of others.
One thing about the Veteran community is people talk, and eventually the truth comes around but its upto us with how we react and what we do with this information.
Are you going to let the opinions of others stop you?
Something I have found is people will be extremely nasty to you to make them selves feel better and to try and mask their own issues in life. They maybe going through their own journey and fighting their own demons and instead of putting the energy into fixing themselves they will put it into putting others down and bringing others down to their levels.
Here is something I have been doing recently and part of the reasons I have been abit quiet, I have taken abit of a step back recently to re-evaluate life and who I have in mine. I know a lot of people and through this journey I have met many more but the reality of this is I wont actually confide in many of these people and I reserve this for a very select few. My reasoning behind this is I have picked that circle of people I trust and will be positive influences on my journey. This circle does change and peoples true colours often make an appearance and that’s ok as they turn out tobe a lesson in your journey.
Another thing I have learnt is I won’t please everyone and you know what this is ok aswell, it’s not my job to please everyone and make everyone happy. We are in control of our own happiness and we choose how we feel. The sooner people start realising this the better off they will become.
At the moment I am in a really good place with my mind set, don’t get me wrong I have had some fucked up shit happen and come forward the last few months and in all honesty it did rock me abit but I am learning and getting better at dealing with what life throws at me.
Like one of these things was I found out a lad I served with and used to live with had recently been charged for some pretty serious crimes and is facing some prison time. Now I won’t get into the details of this as it is still going through the courts and its not my place to say anything else (those of you that follow me and know please keep it to yourselves, as it is not our place to say anything) but this really fucked with me for abit and I took it pretty hard and it made me feel so sick. I won’t lie I was angry and seeing red and it took me a while to calm down, through the help of my Psych and Counsellor I am taking the steps to calm down and let the system do its job here.
Or another thing that plays on my mind is the fact of the surgery I recently had. Now here is where people are very quick to judge and say “oh its just an ankle, it could have waited” well here is some food for thought, yep was an ankle that has been giving me issues for years now and has become that unstable it gives way and drops me like a sack of shit when I am walking on level ground, so this is an issue considering my little one will be here any day now and one of my biggest fears is having the little one in my arm and then going down without being able to control it. Plus there is way more to it than that but getting the reconstruction was just the first step in repairing myself. Just one hobble at a time I suppose.
Why am I sharing this, well its to show you that people have issues. We all go through shit in life and its upto us how we feel about them. I mean yeah people are going to constantly have opinions and have their own views about what should be done and how it should be done but they are not the ones walking in your shoes. YOU know what you need and YOU know how it needs to happen, if I listened to what everyone said to me about how I should live my life I would probably still be in the Army and be even more broken than I am now.
People are always going to try and tell you how to live life but at the end of it all it is upto you!